Wives cheating on husbands
Contents:So what exactly is happening inside marriages to shift the numbers? What has changed about monogamy or family life in the past 27 years to account for the closing gap? And why have so many women begun to feel entitled to the kind of behavior long accepted albeit disapprovingly as a male prerogative?
The real reasons why women cheat
What counts as 'cheating' in the digital age? These questions first occurred to me a few years ago when I began to wonder how many of my friends were actually faithful to their husbands. From a distance, they seemed happy enough, or at least content. Like me, they were doing the family thing. They had cute kids, mortgages, busy social lives, matching sets of dishes. On the surface, their husbands were reasonable, the marriages modern and equitable.
- More married women are cheating — here’s a glimpse into their ‘addictive’ secrets.
- The real reasons why women cheat!
- The changing reasons why women cheat on their husbands?
If these women friends were angry unfulfilled or resentful, they didn't show it. Is my husband having an affair? Then one day, one of them confided in me she'd been having two overlapping affairs over the course of five years. Almost before I'd finished processing this, another friend told me she was percent faithful to her husband, except when she was out of town for work each month.
Not long after, another told me that while she'd never had sex with another man, she'd had so many emotional affairs and inappropriate email correspondences over the years that she'd had to buy a separate hard drive to store them all. Husbands of female breadwinners most at risk for cheating, says study.
What surprised me most about these conversations was not that my friends were cheating, but that many of them were so nonchalant in the way they described their extramarital adventures.
Emotional cheating
There was deception but little secrecy or shame. Often, they loved their husbands, but felt in some fundamental way that their needs sexual, emotional, psychological were not being met inside the marriage. Some even wondered if their husbands knew about their infidelity, choosing to look away. In an earlier generation, this might have taken the form of separation or divorce, but now, it seemed, more and more women were unwilling to abandon the marriages and families they'd built over years or decades.
They were also unwilling to bear the stigma of a publicly open marriage or to go through the effort of negotiating such a complex arrangement. These women were turning to infidelity not as a way to explode a marriage, but as a way to stay in it. Whereas conventional narratives of female infidelity so often posit the unfaithful woman as a passive party, the women I talked to seemed in control of their own transgressions.
There seemed to be something new about this approach. An Italian woman's manifesto. Ashley Madison and the psychology of cheating and apologizing. Power, Pragmatism, and Pleasure in Women's Infidelity , another book on infidelity to be published this November, the sociologist Alicia Walker elaborates on the concept of female infidelity as a subversion of traditional gender roles.
To do so, she interviews 40 women who sought or participated in extramarital relationships through the Ashley Madison dating site. Like The State of Affairs, Walker's text offers valuable insight simply by way of approaching its subject from a position of curiosity as opposed to prevention or recovery, and she investigates which factors led the women in her study to go outside their marriages.
Surely, one might think, a woman who would do such a thing must be acting out of a desire to escape a miserable marriage. And yet it turns out, this isn't always the case: Many of the women Walker interviewed were in marriages that were functional. Like the women I knew who cheated, many of the interviewees said they liked their husbands well enough.
- ;
- Man's films wife cheating but his reaction is NOT what you may expect | egytroncs.com?
- .
- The changing reasons why women cheat on their husbands - CNN.
- .
- .
They had property together. They had friendships together. They had children that they were working together to raise.
Attachment style
But at the same time, they found married life incredibly dull and constraining and resented the fact that as women, they felt they consistently did a disproportionate amount of the invisible labor that went into maintaining their lifestyle. One woman in Walker's book told her, "The inequality of it all is such an annoying factor that I am usually in a bad mood when my spouse is in my presence," and another said that while her husband was a competent adult in the world, at home he felt like "another child to clean up after.
Many of the friends I spoke to expressed similar feelings. But I've always been in charge of the 'calendar,' and what I didn't realize until recently is that in some way I'm in charge of managing many of our relationships. My mom got this phrase from her therapist: I think women do that a lot.
And as Perel repeats frequently in this book, and in her previous one, little does as much to muffle erotic desire as this kind of caretaking and enmeshment. I'm terrified of getting married. No matter how much attention is paid to these issues, she told me, "these kind of cultural beliefs hang on a long time after they're relevant. They hang on in ways that are often invisible. A lot of women have tried to address these problems and have faced a lot of stubbornness from husbands.
They feel there's no way to win this battle. So maybe now what women are deciding is that infidelity is a third way. What to ask yourself before the break-up. It makes sense that a person who is overly attached to their partner would be less likely to stray, but Charlotte Howard, Ph. Just because a spouse is physically present does not mean he is emotionally checked in, and for some women, that sort of abandonment can be worse. It is imperative that couples communicate their needs and expectations regularly as these can change over time.
Instead of making assumptions or hoping your partner can read your mind, initiate a direct conversation about the emotional needs that are not being met. They feel lonely, ignored, not paid attention to, etc.
403 - Forbidden
Most of the time the cheating was not premeditated; they realized how lonely or vulnerable they were once someone else started paying attention to them. It may sound like a cop-out, but Michelle Crosby, relationship expert and founder of Wevorce , says simple biology may sometimes be the reason for a wandering wife. Being afraid of intimacy has the power to destroy a relationship in more ways than one. She says some people may be "scared of intimacy in a way that allows sexual desire to only be felt outside of a deep partnership, because there is too much closeness with a partner to feel safe merging through sex.
Sometimes, a woman's decision to cheat is nothing more than a tactic to show her partner who's really in charge. In fact, some women may feel a gratifying sense of power and control when engaged in a secret affair. It may just be time for a serious discussion. You might not be surprised to hear that money may cause women to cheat, but the explanation for this is probably not going to go quite the way you thought. According to relationship expert John Gray, Ph.
Gray says a woman's financial success affects her testosterone levels, which, in turn, affects her love life. This increases their testosterone levels and lowers their estrogen which is a hormone balance more similar to a man's," explained Gray. On the other hand, married women who are less financially independent will tend to have lower testosterone and higher estrogen. This balance increases her need and attachment to her partner. They say hell hath no fury like a women scorned, and Rhonda Milrad, founder and CEO of Relationup , says there is quite a bit of truth to that.
It's the 'see how you like this' lesson," she explained. Victoria Lorient-Faibish , psychotherapist and author of Connecting: Rewire Your Relationship Culture , agreed.
WATCH: Man bursts in on his wife CHEATING and his reaction is NOT what you would expect
Don't let wounds fester. In reality, it is hard to be fully attracted to someone if you do not feel emotionally safe, free, and comfortable with them," she explained. It's no secret that as women begin to age, they start to feel like they've lost many qualities that once made them desirable, and Dr.
Gail Saltz , psychiatrist, psychoanalyst, best-selling author, and host of The Power of Different podcast, says an affair is one way women try to make themselves feel better about the whole thing. While it's true that starting an affair may make you feel sexy for a short while, they guilt of what you're doing may end up making you feel worse in the long run.
Licensed marriage and family therapist Anita Chlipala agrees, saying, "Women can cheat because they want reinforcement that they 'still got it. It's pretty normal for even the most exciting relationship to get a little boring every now and then, but some women are prepared to cross some pretty big lines to bring excitement back into their lives.
A new relationship can seem like an exciting way to get a buzz," she explained. These women often compartmentalize and tell themselves that this affair does not detract from their love for their partner. We tend to blame a lot of our adult issues on things we've experienced in our childhoods, and Dr.
Gail Saltz says that blame may be appropriate, at least when it comes to women who cheat — especially when they seek out older men. We're not talking about face time on your phone, but actual, face-to-face conversations with your spouse. This may seem like an old-school concept, but it's still pretty important in your relationship, according to Dr. Taking the time to sit and connect, talk about your day, and share experiences is crucial.
Put down your phones! Turn off your TV! Make some eye contact, sit and talk about your day," said Mann. Physical connections are very important in relationships, and Victoria Lorient-Faibish , psychotherapist and author of Connecting: Rewire Your Relationship Culture , says allowing touch and sex to drop off significantly is a major reason women tend to step out on their partners. Research suggests that sexual dissatisfaction has been closely linked to greater incidences of conflict as well as unhappiness, infidelity and instability in the marriage," she explained.
Neural pathways associated with sexuality are strengthened and maintained if sex is engaged in often.